My parents have taught me many things. How to walk and talk. Manners. How to study. How to drive. How to succeed. How to laugh at myself. How to be self sufficient. How to overcome pain. Respect. Love. Some of these things were taught through conversation. But mainly these things were taught through action. One thing I remember so vividly about my childhood was every single Friday night my parents would hire a babysitter so that they could to out on a date. And I would get to watch T.G.I.F...you remember...Hanging with Mr. Cooper...Full House....even Family Matters and Step by Step. But the point....every Friday...date night for Mr. and Mrs. LaFrenier. That sticks out in my mind.
Now I realize plenty of people...Scott and I included cannot afford to hire a babysitter and go out every week. But that doesn't change the fact that it is pivotal to a marriage to date each other...even if that means a glass of wine and a card game after the kids go to bed.
We all have so many roles. Parent, employee, family member, church member, friend, spouse. And I have learned over years of being all of those things...it can be easy to get lost in all the other roles besides spouse. I am a working mom. Monday through Friday usually goes like clock work....get up...get ready...get the kids ready...get the kids to school....go to work...come home..work out...pick up the kids...make dinner...clean up dinner...play with the kids....get lunches/clothes/backpacks ready for the next day...bath the kids...put the kids to bed...clean up the house...do a load of laundry...maybe watch a TV show...go to bed. Not much spousal interaction there. There is interaction between Scott and myself...but it's being parents. My kids mean the world to me. Being a mom is one of the most important roles I could have ever been blessed with. But so is being a wife. Being a woman. And it is so easy to let those parts of me get lost in every day life.
Another quote I love so much is "The best way to love your children is to love their mother" (and I think that can go both ways...The best way you can love your children is to love their father). Watching Scott with my kids as a father is one of the biggest reasons I love him and yes its a total turn on:) But there is so much more to him as a man then just being a father. And it is easy to forget that if we don't ever take the time to just be a couple.
Dating your spouse gives you a chance to reconnect as husband and wife, best friends, lovers separate from everything else. It is so important to be partners through every role you play. But is also important to just be husband and wife. To rediscover each other as a man and woman apart from being parents, employees, friends, etc. Of course you love each other. But it is important to remember why you FELL IN LOVE. There is a difference between loving your spouse and being IN love with your spouse. And I think BOTH are equally important to having a successful marriage.
Lets face it. Life is hard. Parenting is hard. Marriage is hard. I am not going to sit here and try and act like everything in my life is easy and perfect. It's not. There are plenty of days I feel like a failure as a mom, a failure at my job, failure as a friend, daughter, sister, a failure as a wife. There are days when I want to hug and kiss Scott until he is blue in the face and there are days I want to hit him upside the head....a lot. Or just scream. It is easy to get caught up in all the mistakes you make and let those define you. It is easy to focus on the mistakes and short comings of your spouse. But that is not what life is supposed to be about. That's not what marriage is about. Marriage is about God, love, trust, respect, sex, laughs, mistakes, struggles, disagreements, pain, forgiveness, healing, strength, support, partnership, appreciation, and acceptance and pride in your spouse in every role they play. It's about rejoicing in each other.
Ok I am getting off track. Dating your spouse. In my opinion it is one of the building blocks of a healthy marriage. As I said before it gives you a chance to get away from everything else you are doing in life and just be a man and a woman who fell in love. To rediscover why you fell in love, and to expand you capacity to love the changes from who you both were when you fell in love to the people you are now. To fall deeper in love. To remember that yes you are a parent, an employee, a family member...but underneath all of that you are a man and a woman. Who fell in love. A husband and wife. It is so important to appreciate the simple maleness and femaleness of each other.
Don't stop dating. Don't stop staying up all night every once in a while talking...about nothing. Don't stop laughing together. Don't stop rediscovering who you were and who you have become as a couple...and celebrating that. Flirt with each other. Flirt in front of your children. Be affectionate in front of your children. It is our job as parents to teach our children all the aspects of life. Teach your children....by example...how to love and BE IN LOVE. Teach your children how to have a healthy marriage.
Date, flirt, embrace PDA!!!! Remember who the person was you fell in love with....embrace the person they have become and be in love with that person. Anticipate the person your spouse may become and be in love with that person. Remember before the kids, before the job, you were a couple. Take the time to be a man and woman. A husband and wife. Love, laugh, respect, fight, struggle, cry, forgive, support, grow, date, flirt, be married.
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